I’m not going to lie, this decision was initially based on emotions and anxiety. I’m not ashamed of it and I definitely don’t regret it.
Back Story: I started realising that I was not receiving the same respect and courtesy that I was giving to people I called friends. Not all, but a few. Then one sunny Friday morning it really sunk in when I realised I was basically being used. I’m not going to get more into it as it is still a sore spot.
Moving on, from that moment I decided it was time to take a break from people. At first, I decided I would stay off my phone completely for a day, if anyone needed me, they can call me. I turned off the notifications from WhatsApp and I messaged my one friend on Facebook that I was going in a hole for a bit. I have a good few friends, but I have these 2 friends who I can always rely on to never waiver their love. So I made exceptions for these 2.
After that Friday I realised I got more time to breathe, more time to read, more time to think about other random shit than human interaction. I also got to analyse and detox from these uneven relationships. I use the word uneven because they don’t classify as toxic, just uneven. For the past few years I have gained new wisdom on friendships/relationships, basically, people are free to treat you and love you how they want. You, on the other hand, are also free to reject their offer if it is either more or less than you deserve or want at that point in time. It’s that simple.
When you get treated unfairly you always want to argue with that person to pick up the slack, it’s an automatic response to love but not anymore with me. Now, I look at it as “Well I’m just going to step aside”. It may sound cold but I no longer have the energy to be angry with someone for not treating me the way I deserve. Life is way too short to be trying to convince someone that they should have respect etc. I am just going to let you know how I feel, only because I am a vocal person, and I will just ‘exit stage left’ (I watched a lot of Snagglepuss, don’t judge me). I also don’t have the energy to decrease my love for you to match yours. Do you know how much energy it takes to always have to check yourself to care less for someone? That shit is too tiring and pointless.
So, here we are one week later and I’m still debating if I want to go back on. But here is what I’ve really learned
1- You get looked at weird and called weird when you deviate from the norm in social interaction
2- Your brain has muscle memory to periodically check the App. You have to remind yourself not to in the first few days
3. You get more time to do other things and have other conversations with people in front of you
4. You also get so comfortable being in your own realm, that you get agitated when someone disturbs it. My sister got attitude every time she came into my room to ‘talk’. lol
5. The people who notice and care will pick up the phone to check in with you.
6. You either learn more things about yourself, from talking to yourself more or what you already know solidifies.
7. Your phone battery life lasts way longer!!!!!!! (except if you are like me playing Candy Crush all the time)
8. But lastly, you learn that it is always good to detach once in a while.
ps: I may just continue with this for another week